Rediscovering and reconnecting to myself

I just got home from a yoga class that I drove over two hours each way to attend. It was billed as a Yin Yoga and Reiki class, but it included not only the advertised yin yoga and Reiki but also meditation, chakra work, and sound therapy. All in a space that is one of the most healing and welcoming studios I’ve ever experienced. It was an amazing experience! (Definitely enhanced by spending the time in the car with a like-minded soul who affirmed and uplifted me throughout the hours of driving with glorious, deep, and powerful conversation!!)

The last few days have left me agitated, full of doubt and self-questioning, and incredibly discouraged. The hour and a half spent on my mat tonight in class flew by as if it was only a few moments and gave me the blessing of getting out of my thoughts and emotions long enough to settle into my body. As I did so, I rediscovered me.

Just jump

“Go jump off a cliff. Don’t go near the cliff and contemplate jumping off. Don’t read a book about jumping off. Don’t study the art and science of jumping off. Don’t join a support group for jumping off. Don’t write poems about jumping off. Don’t kiss the ass of someone else who jumped off. Just jump.” ~Jed McKenna

I took jump off an enormous cliff about six months ago now when I quit my full-time job. I’ve been remarkably blessed with the way that has turned out. I jumped, and a net appeared in the form of the part-time position I currently have, which is better than anything I could have dreamed up for my present situation. It’s taught me a lot about trusting the universe.

Now I find myself ready to jump off a cliff again, and I feel like I’m back to square one. When I jumped off a few months ago, I was jumping away from something into the unknown. Now I’m jumping toward something (the beginnings of self-employment), and even though it is still in many ways jumping into the unknown, it feels completely different.

Our first duty

“Our first duty is not to hate ourselves, because to advance we must have faith in ourselves first and then in God. Those who have no faith in themselves can never have faith in God.” ~Swami Vivekananda

My first spiritual duty is not to hate myself? Wow! That’s the complete opposite of what I was taught growing up. In fact, I remember having a discussion about self-esteem a few years ago with my mother, and she claimed that she believed that whole idea of having any positive self-esteem was sinful because we, as humans, are so depraved that to claim we have any value is sacrilege. That sounds pretty close to the idea that my first spiritual duty is to learn to hate myself.

Unfortunately, I learned that lesson all too well, all too young. The older I get, however, the more I am convinced that Swami Vivekananda has it right. Learning to NOT hate myself is the first step.

Synchronicity Friday 15

It’s once again time for Synchronicity Friday where I review the moments of synchronicity that I encountered during the last week. This week was full of appropriate quotes showing up at the right time. It also had some really hard moments where the synchronicity was something unpleasant, but the timing helped me look beneath the challenging circumstance to see the lesson underneath.

Small engine repair

Yesterday was a busy (but productive) day of yard work and house cleaning to prepare for guests who are arriving tonight. As is often the case when things need to be done on a time schedule, nothing wanted to work right. My lawn mower would not start at all. My leaf mulcher ran well for a while then suddenly wouldn’t re-start. My vacuum cleaner was bellowing smoke. Sigh.

Reiki

I had the opportunity (and privilege) to give Reiki to a friend of mine last night. It was a good reminder of what a comfort that practice is for me and for the person receiving. I became a Reiki Master/Practitioner last March, but have had little chance to use it since then with all of the other upheaval in my life. I also have not had any friends who were interested in receiving Reiki, although I have to admit this says more about the paucity of friends in my life than anything else. The lack of opportunities to use it, though, had left me feeling uncertain of my ability to effectively channel it and doubtful of its place in my life.

Mastery

I will receive my Reiki Master/Practitioner certificate this weekend when I finish my last class in the series. I have grown so much in my understanding of Reiki and in my relationship with Reiki in the last six weeks that I have been studying at this level, but I still feel so much like a novice. It’s hard to imagine myself as a master of much of anything related to Reiki!