Tag Archive | depression

Journey into darkness

“The task is to go as deeply as possible into the darkness and to emerge on the other side with permission to name one’s reality from one’s own point of view.” ~Anthea Francine

I love this quote. I am well acquainted with the darkness; it’s been a near present companion for many years of my life. But while it’s been ever-present, it’s been something I’ve spent much energy trying to evade, trying to avoid going into very deeply. So this quote really caught my eye. What if darkness has remained so ever-present in my life because I’ve never had the courage to enter it willingly and deeply, to journey through it to the other side, to find that ability to name my own reality from my own point of view?

Oh, how the thought of having the permission (if even just from myself) to name my own reality from my own point of view draws me! The very thought of it makes my heart leap in my chest. It draws a gut-level “YES!”  The ability and the freedom to do this is what my life has been missing. I’ve spent too much of my life trying to live my life in ways that adapts to everyone else’s version of reality first. That’s not working for me anymore, not that it ever really did. If I am going to live the life I’m meant to live, the first step is learning to claim my own reality.

Continue reading

Attack of the Kobolds

I recently read Richard Crawford’s blog post called “A Day Full of Kobolds” on his Blognomicon blog. As a fellow sufferer of double depression, I found his description quite consonant with my experience. I am so overwhelmed with the massive amount of change and upset I’m dealing with right now that I’m running on pure adrenaline. It’s almost like a bizarre high that keeps me going beyond what seems possible. But I know that the day is coming when the busyness will ease, I will hit adrenaline burnout, and I will crash. I worry that if I may well wind up in one of the major depressive episodes he talks about, and I can’t afford that right now. I need to figure out how to take better care of myself to make sure I can ease into my life smoothly so I can avoid a crash.