I got my answer to my dilemma today. There are still some details to be worked out, but it appears that a solution has been found that will be a win for everyone involved.
Was it something that I did on my own or something that God did on my behalf? Yes. Both/and.
“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.” ~Joseph Campbell
Finding balance is a constant, ongoing struggle for me in so many areas of my life. There are days when I think that almost everything that I ever struggle can eventually be reduced down to a question of balance.
The particular area of balance that I am struggling with today has to do with trying to figure out what I am called to do in this life. I want to make a positive, healing difference in the world around me, but I seem to be particularly unsuited to do so. But the longing to be able to do something in this world along those lines is so intense that I cannot seem to leave this question alone.
“There are trivial truths and the great truths. The opposite of a trivial truth is plainly false. The opposite of a great truth is also true.” ~Niels Bohr
I’ve been thinking a lot about this general idea ever since I wrote my recent post about meeting life’s greatest tests alone. I realized even as I was writing the post that my words were likely to misunderstood by those who may be attached to the opposite truth that none of us is an island. My discussion of embracing aloneness would sounds like blasphemy instead of an opposite (but equally true) truth.
“For all of the most important things, the timing always sucks. Waiting for a good time to quit your job? The stars will never align and the traffic lights of life will never all be green at the same time. The universe doesn’t conspire against you, but it doesn’t go out of its way to line up the pins either. Conditions are never perfect. ‘Someday’ is a disease that will take your dreams to the grave with you. Pro and con lists are just as bad. If it’s important to you and you want to do it “eventually,” just do it and correct course along the way.” ~Tim Ferriss (from The 4-Hour Workweek)
Obviously, I’ve already left my (full-time) job, so that one’s not an issue for me, but I still find I have plenty of other things that I’m continually waiting for the “right time” to do them. I am the queen of pro and con lists and can analyze decisions to death before I ever take action on anything. “Maybe someday” is probably one of my most overused phrases when it comes to following my dreams or doing the things I long to do.
“Pain (any pain—emotional, physical, mental) has a message. The information it has about our life can be remarkably specific, but it usually falls into one of two categories: “We would be more alive if we did more of this,” and, “Life would be more lovely if we did less of that.” Once we get the pain’s message, and follow its advice, the pain goes away.” ~Peter McWilliams
I’ve found myself struggling again more than I had been the last few days. I wouldn’t call it pain exactly, but there is a definite sense that things are not as they should be. I’ve been able to observe these feelings without getting sucked into them (and without losing sight of how joyous life is), and I think Peter is right; there is a message for me in this feeling.