A new way of knowing

I discovered something about myself today that surprised me.

A friend asked me whether I believed that God ever stops knocking at people’s hearts. Even though this is not a subject that I’ve spent much time considering, my rather confident response was that I believe God only stops knocking when there is no one left who has not responded to that knock.

This is a very different answer than I would once have given, but the change in my answer was not what surprised me. What surprised me was where my assurance came in giving that believe.

You see, I once would have been able to quote scripture verses to back up my responses. I could have drawn from things that I had been taught by various preachers, writers, and other teachers to lay out a coherent intellectual argument. I would have felt assured of my rightness because I knew all the right arguments. I would have given those arguments that weight of fact.

But in my wilderness years, I may have walked away from Christianity (at least in any kind of formal expression), yet I learned in that time how to live in faith. I’ve learned that God is bigger than anything I can comprehend or explain. I’ve learned that God does not fit in the boxes that I construct.

In my time of exploring yoga, Buddhism, and shamanism as spiritual pathways, I’ve learned to pay attention to what I feel in my body, to what my intuition tells me, to what I observe (in an unpartial and curious way) about my thoughts. And I’ve learned to value that information as much or more than the thoughts my mind produces. I’ve also learned to place more value on the knowing that comes from within rather than on the information I’ve received from others.

So when my friend asked me this question, what surprised me was the source of my knowing. My assurance did not come from any logical analysis based on scripture and church teachings, it came from a sense of rightness deep in my belly. And this assurance was deeper and truer than any logical analysis has ever been for me.

I believe the way I do because this is the God that I’ve come to know in relationship. I believe this because this God has continued to knock at my heart and continued to tug me back into relationship even as I have tried to run with all of my might in the opposite direction. If God would continue knocking at my heart without ever giving up, I find it inconceivable that God would not do the same with each and every one of us.

My friend, who is a theologian, wants to explore my reasoning on this matter further, so I will be spending some time trying to bring my intuitive knowing into a more conscious space where I may be able to offer some kind of explanation that would be theologically relevant. But that logical explanation is not necessary for my own sense of knowing, and that is a most unexpected and most welcome surprise.

A Note on Comments: A chrysalis is by nature a fragile and vulnerable place to be, so I am committed to keeping this a safe place for me and for my readers. Comments sharing your own journey, even if your experience is different from mine, are always welcome and encouraged. Expressions of support or encouragement are also welcome. Comments that criticize, disparage, correct, or in any way attempt to undermine the validity of another person’s experience or personal insight are not welcome here and will be deleted.

5 thoughts on “A new way of knowing

  1. I’m pretty much the same. My “knowledge” comes from being on a spiritual path and using my intuition to find answers for myself. If it feels right I believe it and don’t worry about people thinking I’m nuts since I arrived at the conclusions from inside me. Texts and scriptures are a mere road map in my opinion. All the juicy spots of interest I found on my own! πŸ˜€

    • I love this line: “All the juicy spots of interest I found on my own!” What a lovely way to say that! Thanks so much for the comment. It’s great to hear that others have similar experiences.

  2. Gracious words to read on Christmas Eve morning! I’ve been reading Mark Wallace’s book “Fragments of the Spirit,” which speaks of truth as more act than concept, Spirit-guided acts on behalf of others, acts totally risky because they may well fly in the face of conventional wisdom, rationality, & our communities’ norms & we have no guarantee of their “rightness” … other than the innermost witness of the Spirit.

    I was keeping my eyes open for what that kind of truth might look like. You’ve given me an image. πŸ™‚

    • Thank you, dear Callie. I’m so glad that my story was so meaningful for you. I love it when synchronicity ties various strands together like this.

      That book sounds fantastic! I think my To Be Read list has just gotten longer. πŸ™‚

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