Over the last couple of years, I’ve gone through several periods of so much change in my self-identity that I feel like I don’t even recognize myself anymore. It’s as if there’s a stranger staring back at me in the mirror, and that’s a really disconcerting feeling.
Just recently I have been going through another one of these growth spurts, but this time around has been very different from what I’ve experienced before. Rather than feeling tossed about by the winds of constant change, this has felt more like an unfurling of new shoots of life coming forth from the core of who I am. Instead of being disconcerting and disorienting, this feels more like an ongoing celebration!
I keep noticing signs of growth in areas where I have been struggling for quite some time. Often these signs of growth take me completely by surprise when I suddenly notice that I am reacting calmly and positively to something that once would have completely shaken my world and sent me spiraling into emotional chaos. Occasionally I do catch myself starting to react and consciously choose to respond differently. Most of the time, though, I realize after the fact that I reacted differently without even being aware in the moment of doing anything differently.
Big shifts are happening where pieces of the puzzle that I’ve struggled with are just sliding into place in my self-understanding. Things are reframing themselves before my eyes in ways that make the jagged, confused edges suddenly dissolve into a cohesive whole.
I’m recovering parts of myself (like my creativity) that I had thought were long gone. I’m reclaiming parts of my bright shadow that I’ve denied for many years. I’m increasingly choosing to focus on my strengths instead of my weaknesses, even when I know that not everyone will appreciate my strengths.
It’s a really odd experience for me to find myself displaying so much growth and so much positive change in such a short period of time. There’s a part of me that’s even a little scared that this is just a temporary phase and that I’m just setting myself up for an even bigger fall once the next big challenge hits. I have a hard time believing that life can really be this good!
But for the most part, I am just embracing the growth and celebrating it. I’m trying to live in the moment and rejoice in its goodness with trust that all will be well in the end.
It may be Fall outside, but it feels like Spring inside with this sudden outpouring of new growth. I am one incredibly lucky woman, and life is so amazingly blessed in this moment.
A Note on Comments: A chrysalis is by nature a fragile and vulnerable place to be, so I am committed to keeping this a safe place for me and for my readers. Comments sharing your own journey, even if your experience is different from mine, are always welcome and encouraged. Expressions of support or encouragement are also welcome. Comments that criticize, disparage, correct, or in any way attempt to undermine the validity of another person’s experience or personal insight are not welcome here and will be deleted.