“There comes a time when you no longer seek to heal. You simply say, slightly limping sort of broken mostly good is good enough, and you get on with making love to the world. And the parts of the world that are okay with that, too, make love right back. It’s not picture postcard, but it sure as hell beats the hell you were in trying to fix everything” ~Robin Rice (from Robin Rice’s Be Who You Are)
I’ve been a perfectionist since I was knee-high to a grasshopper (as we used to say where I grew up). I’ve actually mellowed a great deal on this particular trait over the years, but I still frequently find that perfection is my goal even when I fully realize that it’s not a reasonable one.
Naturally, I bring that same perfectionist tendency to personal growth, healing, spiritual development. In fact, that may be the one area where I aim for (and expect) perfection more than any other. But you know, that’s not working all that well for me. And the older I get, the more practical I become. If something isn’t working, then it’s time for it to go.
It’s not that I want to become complacent on my journey, or that I don’t want to continue healing and growing. It’s that the constant focus on perfection is keeping me stuck. I never feel like I’ve quite healed enough or grown enough to get on with living my life. I’m always waiting to become a little more healed, a little more whole, a little closer to perfect before I believe that I can start really living.
But then I look at the list of all the ways that I am not yet perfect, and I get overwhelmed with all there is to fix. Robin’s right; it really is a hell trying to fix everything on the list. And maybe it’s a hell that I don’t need to keep myself in anymore.
I’m not quite ready yet to claim Robin’s quote as my own. My heart still feels a little too broken to say that I no longer seek to heal. However, I am starting see myself heading in that direction. I’m slowly starting to let go of fixing everything. I’m thinking that maybe when I get to the point that my shattered heart no longer feels like it’s full of shards of broken glass that I may be ready to call that good enough.
In fact, I’m thinking that a slightly-limping-sort-of-broken-mostly-good state may need to be my new goal. I’m not quite there yet … but I’m getting close. I’m nearing the point of ready to head out to make love to the world again and see what parts of it decide to make love back. It won’t be a perfect life—I won’t be perfect—but I’ve decided that perfection is a myth anyway. I think mostly good just might be good enough.
A Note on Comments: A chrysalis is by nature a very fragile place, and it takes a good deal of vulnerability to share this personal journey of transformation so openly. Therefore, I need this to be a safe place for exploration and sharing for me and for my readers. Comments sharing your own journey, even if your experience is different from mine, are always welcome and encouraged. Expressions of support or encouragement are also welcome. Comments that criticize, disparage, correct, or in any way attempt to undermine the validity of another person’s experience or personal insight—or the expression of that experience or insight—are NOT welcome here and will be deleted.