“It is not so much that what we are at the deepest level wants to wake up, to be aware, to love, to create peace and truth and beauty, but that our essential nature is wakefulness, awareness, love, peace, truth and beauty. To hear the call we only need to listen. But sometimes we can listen only when our illusions of control and safety have been shattered.” ~Oriah Mountain Dreamer (from The Call)
The last year (or more now) have thoroughly shattered my illusions of control and safety. In fact, they continue to be dismantled even more daily as I find more major issues with my house to deal with along with the needed work on my car. It reminds me that not even the roof over my head nor my ability to get to places I need to be are secure.
I truly have no control. I have no safety in this life. It’s terrifying, and it continues to make me feel like there is no solid ground under my feet on which to craft this new life I am trying to create.
And yet … there is also a great gift in having my illusions of safety and control shattered. It is through the cracks in what was once a “put-together” life that I am now hearing the call of my essential nature reminding me of what truly matters, of who I truly am at my core.
It was not all that long ago that I thought I had built a successful life, and I had by our society’s standards. I had never escaped the nagging sense that something wasn’t right, but I had managed to hold that voice down enough to keep climbing that ladder. Getting knocked on my ass has been the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. I may lose all that I once thought made me a success. I may lose the esteem of the world around me. But I think I just may find myself.
It’s worth it.
A Note on Comments: A chrysalis is by nature a very fragile place, and it takes a good deal of vulnerability to share this personal journey of transformation so openly. Therefore, I need this to be a safe place for exploration and sharing for me and for my readers. Comments sharing your own journey, even if your experience is different from mine, are always welcome and encouraged. Expressions of support or encouragement are also welcome. Comments that criticize, disparage, correct, or in any way attempt to undermine the validity of another person’s experience or personal insight—or the expression of that experience or insight—are NOT welcome here and will be deleted.