Synchronicity Friday 16

It’s once again time for Synchronicity Friday where I review the moments of synchronicity that I encountered during the last week. As usual, this week was full of quote and posts showing up just when I needed them to either validate something I’d just written about or add a new depth to something I’ve been working on.

I’ve written several times lately about my realization that I am co-dependent and my struggles to try to change this way of relating to others. In Susan Piver’s How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life: Opening Your Heart to Confidence, Intimacy, and Joy that I reviewed on Monday, she is talking about how free writing can help one begin to sort out the different voices inside of us. Once of the things she says that free writing can help with is “figuring out how to love (codependent you versus warrior goddess you).” I am so struck by this quote because it gives me a positive image to aim for as I attempt to break my co-dependent patterns—a warrior goddess me! That will be such a useful image to hold in my mind when I am facing a situation where I need to reaction differently.

In addition, one of my favorite bloggers, life coach Christy Diane Farr is holding a free online book group on Oriah Mountain Dreamer’s The Invitation
over the coming weeks as a means of dealing with her ongoing battle with co-dependent habits. A favorite blogger, a favorite book, and an issue I need help with—sounds like a gift from the universe to me! If anyone is interested in joining in, the details about the book group are in Christy’s post Between Me and the Woman in the Mirror.

I recently talked about taking risks by moving forward even when the path wasn’t entirely clear in Taking a step. Earlier this week, the following quote came my way reminding me that I still have room to push myself to risk a bit more.

“If you’re not failing at some things, you’re not risking enough.” ~Gordon Wilson

I’m still not failing enough, so I’m not risking enough yet. There’s still room to grow and take even bigger steps.

I talked earlier this week in How not to be afraid of your own life about how I am finding myself drawn to making meditation a regular part of my life. Since then, two blog posts from bloggers I really admire came my way that re-enforced this point for me. One was a guest post by Ollin Morales of the blog {Courage 2 Create} on Carol Tice’s Make a Living Writing blog. His post was entitled The Definitive Guide to Overcoming Your Writing Fears, and it advocated using meditation as a means for overcoming writing fears, an area I could really use some help with. That’s even more encouragement for me to make meditation an important part of my days.

Gail Brenner of A Flourishing Life also had a post this week entitled Are You Awake to the Moments of your Life? While this post did not expressly advocate for the use of meditation, it talked about how important detached awareness of each moment in our lives is what lies at the root of happiness. This kind of pure presence is precisely what meditation’s goal is also. One more bit of encouragement! I highly recommend a full reading of her post, however, for an exploration of how often it’s our thoughts, and not our reality, that make us miserable.

A post this week by Tara Parker-Pope in the New York Times blog entitled Go Easy on Yourself, a New Wave of Research Urges re-enforced the importance of self-compassion in the wake of my post about self-hatred. I particularly liked the following section that addresses one of those culturally induced reasons why we tend toward self-hatred.

“I found in my research that the biggest reason people aren’t more self-compassionate is that they are afraid they’ll become self-indulgent,” said Dr. Neff, an associate professor of human development at the University of Texas at Austin. “They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be.”

The article goes on to dispel this myth and demonstrate that self-compassion is a better motivator than self-criticism. I recognize the tendency in me to believe this myth about the importance of self-criticism to keep myself in line, so this gives me a trigger to watch out for as I learn how to live with greater self-compassion.

Lastly, I received additional encouragement to continue cultivating my observer-self in an e-newsletter I received this week from coach Elizabeth A. Grant. In the newsletter, she talks about the difference between our observer-selves and our reactor-selves.

“When you act as the observer rather than the reactor, you allow yourself the freedom of viewing your life from your Higher Self instead of your ego, or lower self. Living your life through the ego is choosing to live in a fear-based world. … When you learn to live through your higher self (yes, it is a skill anyone can learn), you make authentic choices … based on what is in your heart, what is right for you, and what will cause the best long-term outcome.”

Because I place such a high value on authenticity, I love the idea that cultivating my observer-self can help me make more authentic choices. This is great motivation to continue my work to listen to my observer-self more often.

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