The part that breaks

“It Is The Unreal Part Of Us That Breaks… ” ~Robin Rice

The closer I come to breaking as the mound of straws piles up, the more I struggle to even put this journey into words. How do I narrate a journey when there is no more “me” to tell the story?

Everything I try to write sounds to my ears like whining. I am going in circles chasing my tail. I can’t see how my flailing about in confusion and despair could be of any interest or encouragement to anyone who may be on a similar journey through the chrysalis.

And so, for tonight, I simply share a short quote that Robin Rice uses as a tag line in her emails—a quote that gives me hope in the moments when I feel as if I am about to break to pieces.

“It is the unreal part of us that breaks …”

If she’s right, if it is only the unreal part of us that breaks, then perhaps there is hope even as I break. Perhaps there is hope only in breaking.

Perhaps it is only in letting the unreal part of me break that I will liberate the part of me that is real.

Perhaps that is the only way forward to the transformation I long for.

Perhaps … or perhaps not.

And that is the challenge. How can I know?

Do I trust enough to believe that if I break it will be only the unreal part of me that breaks? Can I trust that allowing myself is the best way forward? Can I trust enough to let go and let myself break?

I don’t know. But I do at least see a glimmer of hope that perhaps breaking will not be the end of me. Maybe the universe does know what it is doing. Maybe it is trying to help me even when it doesn’t feel like it.

“It is the unreal part of us that breaks …”

Perhaps so. Perhaps I’ll find out one day soon when the pile of straws gets too high. If I do, I’ll let you know.

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