Whittling away deep within

“On the soulshaping journey, the choice to expand is often made in some subterranean cavern, out of view of our daily defenses and distractions. It is in the nature of our divine purpose to whittle away in the deep within, invisibly preparing us for change while our conscious mind is somewhere else entirely. By the time our resistance realizes what has happened, we’ve been brought one step closer to who we really are.” ~Jeff Brown

I love the imagery of this quote—the subterranean cavern, the wittling away deep within. I also find that it very accurately describes what I have been experiencing lately.

My general approach to most things is to apply conscious focus to a change I wish to make and try to force myself to comply with the change. This approach works occasionally, but it fails quite miserably more often than not. My soul does not respond at all to outer force; it’s as if the force applied is on an entirely different plane of being and never reaches the soul level at all to have any influence. Instead, I just kick up all of my internal resistance to change and become frustrated with my “lack of self-control.” Ultimately, all that happens is that my self-criticism increases.

In this last year or so  when I’ve been facing so much change, however, I’ve been too busy just trying to cope with all that life has thrown at me to spend much effort on my usual forceful techniques. Instead, it often feels as if I encounter some insight and my subconscious self squirrels it away deep inside only for me to notice some time later that a shift has occurred in my thinking, my feelings, my expectations, my attitudes, my hopes and dreams. Although I am conscious of the insight when I first encounter it, I am not consciously expending effort to try to force a change. It just happens somehow outside of my notice.

I realize that some of these changes are the result of the energy work I am doing with the shamanic community that I am part of. Those practices are easing the way for shifts to occur and are supporting the changes that have taken place. I am also finding ways to make use of some of these new things as they settle in my life, like making use of my intuition and trusting it enough to act on it. This helps to strengthen and solidify the shifts that are occurring as I become aware of them.

The actual process of change, though, is largely taking place completely outside of my awareness. It’s like constantly waking up to find a new inner landscape that wasn’t there the day before. On the one hand, this is immensely gratifying to watch this transformation happen without me having to push and strain to have an effect. On the other hand, it’s rather unsettling to discover that things have shifted entirely outside of my control.

I keep wanting to know what I need to do to work harder at making sure that this transformation continues in the ways that I wish it to go. I want to shape the journey to be as fast and as smooth as possible. Yet it appears that all I need to do is put myself in situations that inspire growth, do my best to provide nourishment and support to the changes that I see happening, and then get out of the way and let my soul do what it needs to do to shape itself. By letting go of the need to control the process, I circumvent all of the resistance and let things flow as they need to flow.

It’s just that easy. It’s just that hard.