Enough

I will do my usual Synchronicity Friday post tomorrow, but I have had such overwhelming synchronicity around one particular phrase this week that I’ve decided that this deserves its own post. A week ago, I mentioned a free song of encouragement from coach Rhonda Britten that I was listening to on constant repeat. This song ends with the words “you are enough” several times.  For whatever reason, this phrase stuck in my mind and would capture my attention each time the end of the song was reached.

On Saturday, I was in a class on intuitive perception, and we were working with stone throwing as a means of divination with a partner. Neither my partner in this exercise nor I had ever tried stone throwing before. When my partner did the stone throw for me, however, her answer to my (unvoiced) question was remarkably accurate. The thing that most caught my attention, however, was that she identified one of the stones as being my true essence. She kept remarking over and over how incredibly beautiful this was and how the other stones (signifying various issues of mine) were hiding the beauty of this stone. One of the last things she did in the reading as she touched the one stone was to suddenly look up at me and say, “You are enough. You are more than enough.” Tears came instantly to my eyes, and I was left nearly speechless with surprise at hearing those words again.

On Sunday, I was listening to a replay of a teleseminar by Noah St. John, when he again mentioned how each of us is already enough just as we are. In the same conversation, he also talked about how there is enough in the universe for all of us. Abundance is available to us all.

Later in the day, I came across an article on the New Moon in Sagittarius by Kathy Crabbe in Susun Weed’s December 2010 edition of Wise Woman Herbal Ezine. The new moon was starting that day, and one of the things she mentioned in the article was that this month is characterized by a Creative Soul Guide® by the name Enough.

Yesterday, I came across a lovely picture on Dr. Julie Krull’s Facebook page called Dr. Julie on Your Beautiful, Mindful Life with the caption of “I am enough. I AM enough. I am ENOUGH. I am!”

Enough already! I get the message! The idea that I am enough is clearly something I am meant to wrestle with right now. This is not a concept that I am entirely comfortable with. On the one hand, there is a deep longing to believe that this is true, which is why hearing this message brings tears to my eyes repeatedly. On the other hand, there is a part of me that cannot accept this message. How can I possibly be enough as I am? If I were enough, why do I still get so much criticism? If I were enough, why does my life look the way it does right now?

The faith of my childhood would say that I can never be enough because we are all unworthy sinners that deserve nothing but death. As a woman, I would be even less than that. And as someone who is no longer actively practicing that faith, I am even less than less than that. In fact, I am not just deserving of death in their eyes but of unending torture after death. Not exactly a way of looking at life that would encourage one to feel like she was enough in any way shape or form.

Our culture, on the other hand, sees value only in what someone accomplishes. There is no intrinsic value just for being. Even in the realm of accomplishments, I am not a success, I am not enough.

And yet, there is something deep inside me that believes that it just may be possible for someone to be enough just for who, not what, they are. I have no basis for this belief. It’s not something provable in any way. But with all of these nudges from the universe, I find myself longing deeply to believe that maybe I am truly enough just as I am. There’s nothing I need to become, nothing I need to do. I am enough. Oddly enough, I find that the thought of believing this makes change and transformation actually seem more possible rather than less because I can choose to change because I wish to, not because I need to in order to prove myself worthy. I am enough already.

I’m not sure I believe that yet, but I think it’s growing on me.

I am enough.

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