My personality, upbringing, and educational/occupational background have all led me toward being a very practical person. I plan and prepare before I do things. I think things through (ad nauseum sometimes) before I act. I budget, I have to do lists, I keep my paperwork and records organized. I don’t just plan … I overplan! Every bit of my background reinforces this central trait.
But now I am also trying to learn to listen to my intuition—an intuitive voice that I shut away as a child and am just now re-excavating. Intuition is, almost by definition, non-rational. It tends to defy the logical, rational, thinking mind. Part of listening to this inner voice, however, means acting on the messages it gives me to strengthen my faith in its messages and my ability to discern them. I’ve been practicing this with little things over recent months and slowly developing that “muscle.”
So what do I do now when my intuition is screaming at me to do something BIG that appears to be completely irrational and for which I have NO PLAN? My intuition is screaming for me to not only leave my current job (one that even my rational mind knows I need to leave because it’s killing me) but to do it now without a new job secured and without any other plan in place. I have longed for many years to be able to work for myself at something that would allow me to work from home and to work in sync with my own nature, but I’ve never found the courage or the clarity to define what that would look like or how I could make it work—much less actually DO it! My gut is now telling me that the only way I will figure it out is to give myself the time and space to just BE in order to get the clarity I need to move forward and that the only way to find this kind of time and space is to quit with no other plan in place.
Just the thought of that is nearly enough to cause a panic attack in this overplanner. I have some money in the bank to pay the bills for a little while, but that will go quickly even if I reduce all expenses to a minimum. I can’t possibly consider leaping with no idea of what comes next! I need a plan!
And yet … there’s also such a feeling of spaciousness, of ease, of rightness that comes with the thought of having that space to find my own center again after these months of upheaval. Just imagining it brings with it such a delicious sense of joy and freedom. A longing that is getting harder and harder to deny.
So how do I know whether I’ve developed my ability to listen to my intuition enough to trust this message that brings with it such a sense of rightness and such panic. Is this truly my intuitive voice speaking a deeper truth than my rational mind can produce? Or is it just wishful thinking masquerading as intuition in an attempt to give me an excuse to do something I’m longing to do anyway in a form that makes it seem like wisdom? I wish I knew.
I do know that I have started reading more entrepreneurial books than I’ve ever read before, just in case. And I’m researching all those things that I’m passionate about but have never pursued to figure out how they could possibly work into an income stream of some kind. Maybe with my intuition and my planning working together I can finally find my way into the life I’ve been longing for. If nothing else, it looks like the status quo is about to be turned on its head.