Busy, busy, busy

“I have to realize that the only one who will rescue me is me!” ~Loretta LaRoche

Loretta’s blog post entitled “Too Busy for Words?” really made me stop and think. This sounds entirely too familiar; I hear myself speaking these words about being too busy so many times a day. Why do I spend so much time telling people how busy I am when what I truly long for is an un-busy, simple life?

I think her suggestion that we do this out of the hope that someone will come rescue us is pretty accurate – at least for me. I know that I have been so angry that people at work have not been willing to show me any compassion or to give me a break these last few months despite all I have been going through. Admittedly, not all of my struggles are openly shared, but there have been enough of them that are known to have deserved at least a bit of a break. I realized not too long ago that the only person who will ever give me a break is me. As long as I’m waiting for someone else to do it first, it’s not going to happen. The fact that it works that way still makes me angry, but the awareness has at least stopped me from feeling like a victim. I can focus instead on finding ways to give myself the break I deserve and stop waiting for anyone else’s permission first.

But I think there’s also a deeper reason for me. Being busy (and making sure everyone knows it) is also a way for making excuses for not living the life of my dreams; it’s my way of trying to prove that I am of value even though I’m not doing the work I am meant to be doing. It’s also my excuse for not doing all the things I think I “should” be doing for others. Rather than taking the responsibility for saying “I don’t want to do X,” I tend to take the easy way out and just blame the fact that I’m too busy. But the busyness is not getting me any closer to living the life I long to be living. The excuses are just that: excuses. If I want to live a life that matters, a life worth living, then it’s time for me to not only tame the busyness but also to stop holding it up as my raison d’être.

Besides, I’m not really fooling anyone into believing that I have more value. They are too busy trying to prove they are busier than I am to care about whether I am busy enough to be worthy. It’s time once again to walk away from the status quo. I’ve done it before when I got rid of my TV. I suspect this will be a much more challenging departure from normal, but it’s another one well worth doing. I’m thriving without the TV. I’ll thrive even more without the need to be so busy.

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