A better day

I dealt a bit better today with the current change that’s causing so much pain. Part of that was just being able to acknowledge here how much it hurts. (Part of it too was being stuck in meetings much of the day where I was insulated from it.) There is a huge power in acknowledgment, though. Even if I still have to keep it hidden in front of people, being able to have some outlet to acknowledge the pain is so helpful, so freeing.

One of the other anticipated changes was finalized today as well. When I finally got all the details, it turned out to have more benefits that I was expecting, but it’s still a mixed bag in many ways. When I can remove my emotions from the picture, I can logically see that this is an enormous boon that is coming at a time when I really need it. One more sign of abundance showing up in my life in unanticipated ways. My emotions, however, are saying that this is just one more upset in what feels like an unending stream of upsets. One more huge change in a time when I am already overwhelmed with change. If I were to take one of those psychology tests about the amount of change and its effect on stress, I would be off the top of the chart. This last year has been nonstop change—and some of the biggest change is still ahead of me in the next few months.

If I can focus on just putting one foot in front of the other, keeping my emotions on a tight rein, and finding those little blessings to be grateful for along this journey, I just might make it through. This was a huge blessing today, and I am grateful. I’m also tired and a bit numb.

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